What does Easter mean to you this year? As Jeremy posed this question at our Maundy Thursday service, it sort of hit me like a brick. Like a "I haven't processed this in the least" sort of brick. So, here I am, processing it. Jesus? Sure. Obviously. But what does that actually mean? What power does the resurrection have this year for each of us? Because I think it's both a little bit different and exactly the same for all of us. Different in experience, same in source.
As we roll around to another spring, I can't help but have flashbacks of last year at this time -- new house, new neighborhood, new baby, new postpartum depression issues, new attempts at creative business. Woosh. The only way to describe it is tender. It just felt so tender.
Maybe it was all the changes, or maybe the sleep deprivation, but I remember a lot of emotional barfing, a lot of sharing on the internet of really intimate new mommy moments, a lot of trying new things in business, a lot of tears, a lot of walking around with my shirt up from constantly nursing, and one particular episode of throwing a remote across the room and busting up my computer. Oops. It was such a raw season for me and one I'll probably never forget. And even though some grace for myself was lacking, I truly felt abundant freedom to just be the sloppy, raw person I was, mostly because I couldn't fake it.
Fast forward to this spring, this week, this day...and I'll admit, most of the time I feel like I have my junk together. Sure, there's moments of overwhelm running a business, raising a growing kid, and trying to live a balanced life. But overall, our good God has just dumped his grace on all of it and I feel like I've come up to the surface to breath again.
But you know what I miss? I miss that raw, abundant freedom. That kind of freedom that's only birthed from total surrender and inadequacy. And ironically as it is, I chose "freedom" as a sort of mantra for 2016. This Easter, I know why.
What does the resurrection mean for me this year? Simple. It's the deep-rooted source of the abundant freedom I crave. The resurrection, the raising of Jesus from the dead, the day that death died, it's the bringing to life of real freedom to be raw again. Maybe not in a depleted, unhealthy way. But with the same kind of desperate surrender.
Surrender to the life I was made for.
Freedom to mess up, to be vulnerable, to write freely, to be creative, to take a risk or two, to be wrong, to be courageous, and to believe I am exactly the kind of mom our little girl needs.
Yeah, I want that freedom. I'm claiming it. Not just for me, but for you too.
Because that raw, abundant freedom? It's what he died for. Let's live like it's true.